Grace like Rain

A friend pointed out that the small groups in our fellowship group is kinda like the parable of the talents. Some groups were blessed with only a few members, some with a normal amount, and some with an overwhelming amount. This isn't to say that we should go about doubling our SGs, but given what we have or how many people we have, we should live by faithfulness to the best of our ability.

I was also challenged to differentiate between tolerance and grace. God gives me so much grace, more than I can fathom. And yet, I turn around and merely tolerate people. I don't extend grace or even love to everyone. I am selective with my friends, and my sheep. My actions disgust me. But more than that, my heart disgusts me. How can I expect to cultivate growth in my sheep if I can't even set an example?

No more. Its time to turn a new leaf.

⁸For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹not by works, so that no one can boast. ¹⁰For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

-Ephesians 2:8-10

<sup>The Cardinals are currently playing their first post season game. I can't say that I avidly follow sports, but nonetheless, I love my Cardinals. Its only the 4th inning, and I can't seem to take my eyes off the television. The bathroom can wait, a snack can wait, my laundry in the basement can wait, all because the Cardinals are playing.

Ok I lied. The bathroom couldn't wait. As I left the lounge to go to the bathroom, I got distracted so easily and by so many things: putting text books back into my room, talking with my RA, meeting a new girl on the floor, text messaging ... goodness. By the time I got back, I missed part of the game.

I think this is the same struggle I'm having in my walk with God. So many times my eyes are set on Him and my heart is placed in His hands. But the moment I take my eyes off Him, even for something that seems essential, I veer off completely. By the time I realize I'm not on the right path, I've already missed something.

Being aware of this fault is just the first step. Being changed by God is the next. This is my prayer to Him:

1</sup> O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

² I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.

³ Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.

⁴ I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.

⁵ My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

⁶ On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.

⁷ Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.

⁸ My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

- Psalms 63:1-8

P.S. Go Cardinals!

Speechless no more

I'm at a loss for words. I would like to say that I am speechless due to God's grace, mercy, and love. Although that is often true, today I find myself speechless because God's word is just that confusing.

This week I will be leading a Bible study on 1 Samuel 9 and 10, a narrative about the anointment of Saul, the first king of the people of Israel. I have absolutely no idea which direction in which to lead the study. There are so many different aspects of this story, and so little time to present everything in a single study.

There's no doubt in my mind that I want God to be glorified through the study of his word. The easiest way to do this is to try to understand the character of God through the passage. But taking this perspective won't easily connect the study of the word with the members of the small group. So perhaps I should take the perspective of Saul and the people, exposing all of their emotions and motives. But I'm having enough trouble dissecting Saul as it is. How can I expose what his emotions were If i don't even know them? And then there's the big picture applications which don't fit in with either perspective... goodness.

I was personally blessed by 1 Samuel 9 and 10 when I saw that Saul simply obeyed. He left home to look for a lost donkey and came back anointed as a king?!? In the blink of an eye, Saul received the responsibility of leading a nation to victory in battle and in worship to the Lord. Whoa. His heart must've been racing and his brain must've been utterly confused. Yet in these two chapters, even though Saul didn't understand or fully agree with what was happening, he still obeyed. Even though he might not have had the desire to follow God, he still fulfilled his duty as a chosen and anointed servant.

As I follower of God, I am commanded to praise Him. Afterall, that's what I was created to do. Just like Saul, I shouldn't only follow God when it's convenient for me, I am commanded to follow always.

Hmmm.
I think I just found my inspiration for the study.

Praise God.

History always repeats itself

1 Samuel 7-8 tells a story of the people of God. They follow him, fall away, get yelled at by a prophet, repent, and then follow him again. And it's not a one time thing, they do it over and over and over and over.... well, you get the point.

If I were the God of these people, I would be so disgusted with them that I would want to disown them. I would want to wipe them out or bring curses and plagues upon them. I would unleash my wrath upon them, sparing no one. How could my people, the people that I created, made multiple promises to, delivered out of slavery, blessed with so many things, how could they consciously or unconsciously turn away from me and worship other gods?

This is how I felt last night.

__

Looking back at my reaction, I am ashamed of myself. My reaction speaks loudly about what lies in my heart. I am still full of pride, still not loving, and still not forgiving. My reaction shows me that I would rather show others a facade of anger instead of my real feelings of pain and sorrow. My reaction taught me something about who God is too.

What kind of King would keep giving his followers second, third, fourth, ... infinite chances? What kind of ruler would set aside his own pain and pride for the sake of his people? What kind of Father would sacrafice his only Son for people who don't even acknowledge his existence? What kind of God would keep loving me despite how many times I neglect him?

...THIS is my God.

⁸ The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.

⁹ He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;

¹⁰ he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.

¹¹ For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;

¹² as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

¹³ As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;

¹⁴ for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.

- Psalms 103:8-14

To my disappointment, nothing has changed. It's been exactly one week since my not-so-pleasant exchange with a friend. I remember him telling me specific steps he was going to take to ensure that he would not slip into his old habits, but after observing and questioning him, none of these steps were even implemented. I became flustered and annoyed. Just in the span of one week, my annoyance turned to anger, and my anger to apathy.

Through all of this, I was reminded of my relationship with the Lord. My heart sank. So often I pray that he will change me so that I can love his people, I pray that he will give me the heart to yearn for Him, to seek him, and to meet with him. I'm eager to change, ready, willing, and anticipating the results, but even so, I remain motionless. One might ask ...Why? How can you pray for God to work in your life, yet do nothing? Honestly, I don't know. I want to take action now, I want to continue to walk in the ways of the Lord, to seek him daily, to delight in him. For some reason, I'm just not. Something isn't right, I get that, but... I, I just don't know.

I do know this: Even though I fail so many times, God still calls me back. Through my weaknesses and inadequacies, He will make himself known. The trials that come my way will not break me down, but they will build me up in Christ. And through it all, God is right beside me.

On that day they will say to Jerusalem,
"Do not fear, O Zion;
do not let your hands hang limp.
The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."
- Zephaniah 3:16-17